Now, I think the universe part is coo-coo for Coco-Nuts. The universe doesn’t give a shit if my next boyfriend likes modern art or not, but I think making a list helps you better understand what you are looking for, and so I’ve been writing those lists forever.
In the early days, the lists were weirdly vague and specific, and included things like: has good relationship with family; open-minded; like to talk; plays pool; laid-back; wears baseball caps. (I had a thing for baseball caps.)
My most recent list was a bit more concrete, but still had a few of the same desires, including: likes to talk. Talking is kind of my thing. I like to talk about everything. Nothing is taboo. Nothing is too silly.
And so I need to be with someone who also likes to talk, and in the same way that I do: rambling, philosophical, deep, bizarre.
This all brings me to conversations with my boyfriend. Because he’s the best at talking with me, taking me seriously and being involved when it matters, and totally letting me blather on about weird stuff without poking too much fun, unless necessary.
Here’s an example:
- Me: Is it super egotistical to want to hang out with myself, like as another person, hanging out with me?
- Him: Yes.
- Me: I think it would either be really awesome or really irritating.
- Me: I wouldn’t know, though, that I was hanging out with me. I would just think I was a friend. But the me hanging out with me would know and then tell me the next day so that I would know what it’s like to spend time with me. It would be tricky.
- Him: That’s your assessment of this situation: tricky?
- Me: Yeah.
- Him: So the logistics of you hanging out with you would be tricky. That’s all. No other issues?
- Me: Well, what would you consider the situation to be?
- Him: Impossible.
- Me: I thought you would go with ridiculous.
- Him: That, too.
And then I hugged him because what else do you do to thank someone for listening to that kind of foolishness?
What does this have to do with the list? My last list kinda threw me when I found it. Why? It listed exactly the things I love about my boyfriend. Now don’t get all excited and think I’m going to change my mind about the universe business – I’m not – but I do think that as I’ve gotten older and gotten to know myself better, I’m getting better at figuring out what I want.
So go write a list of what you want. Is it a partner, job, lifestyle, living space? Whatever it is you want, get to know your want better and then go make it happen. And don’t thank the fucking universe for making it happen. Thank yourself.
*No fucking clue who “they” are officially, but we all know who they are, right? Right.