Hyperbole abusers seem to be trying to win some kind of “most amazing” competition. Whether it’s a trip, book or cup of coffee, they are using hyperbole to elevate the ordinary into the extraordinary without even the slightest hint of irony. Good is not good enough. Best is better but not as impressive as best ever and best ever is not quite as stirring as most amazing. To be merely good is akin to social suicide; you must blow people’s minds.
Luckily blowing people’s minds is nowhere near as difficult a task as it sounds. You might have assumed that to blow someone’s mind you’d need to share never-heard-before stories that are rife with intrigue: two people fall in love, cure cancer, solve world hunger, win the lottery, win an Oscar, die in a tragic car accident that somehow saves a basket of puppies, come back to life, but with amnesia, instantly hate each other, find themselves in a duel to the death and regain all memory at the very moment they both push their swords through the other’s heart so that their last moment redefines the word bittersweet.
Or maybe you assumed there is some science to telling a story or sharing a fact in a way that creates a chemical imbalance in the brain of the listener, forcing their brain to implode. Or explode. Or blow. Whatever. Science is complicated. The point is that for your mind to be blown by information, one would assume that you must have to hear something terribly, terribly interesting.
Nope. Not for the masses of abusers! Any old fact will do. (They don’t even have to be accurate facts.) Here are some real examples of what’s being considered “mind blowing” information:
- From Mental Floss: According to the National Insurance Crime Bureau, the most commonly stolen vehicle in 2012 was the 1994 Honda Accord.
- From Buzz Feed: Mayonnaise is made from oil and eggs. (There was a picture. I’m not sure why.)
- From Guff: Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
Calling those facts mind blowing is some serious hyperbole. ESPECIALLY WITHOUT THE IRONY, PEOPLE! Yes, I’m yelling. If you are using the phrase “mind blowing” without the irony, you are not allowed to use adjectives anymore. There. I said it.
You cannot make your life more exciting by saying your cheese sandwich is the most amazing cheese sandwich you have ever had. IF EVERYTHING IS AMAZING THEN NOTHING IS AMAZING! Yes, I’m yelling again. But, come on, even if you exaggerate about how good your sandwich is, your life still remains the kind of life where you buy sandwiches at lunchtime.
So here’s the deal: Stop it. And if you can’t, keep it to yourself. Let all the hyperbole build up in your head – let all the amazing, thrilling, stupendous, spine-tingling, astounding, shocking information grow and grow and grow in your mind and see if it gets blown. You’d be the first person ever to actually blow your own mind! This is going to be literally amazing! You’ll go down in history as the most incredible science experiment of all time! Ever!